Not getting the comments, likes, and shares you crave? Let me introduce you to The Silent Obsessor.
Last week, I came across an awesome Substack note by Lizzie Mulherin that stopped me in my tracks:
This got me heated (in a good way) because it’s a conversation I’ve been having with clients since at least 2015. So many come to me feeling frustrated and disheartened after pouring their heart and soul into creating thoughtful, valuable content only to hear… crickets.
It’s enough to make them want to channel their inner Gossip Girl and write a scathing Substack post about all those ungrateful readers lapping up their content without giving anything back.
I’ve been there too. I’ve felt the sting of publishing something I couldn’t wait to share—something that made my fingers fly across the keys—only to see a trickle of engagement. Once, I shared a deeply personal story that I thought would get loads of engagement, and the only feedback I got was someone sliding into my inbox with, “What’s the point of this?” HAHAHA
Nobody likes feeling invisible—especially after putting in so much effort.
But here’s what I know to be true:
Just because certain people in your audience aren’t liking, commenting, or resharing doesn’t mean they’re not loving your work—or even willing to buy from you.
There’s a particular type of audience member I call The Silent Obsessor.
Silent Obsessors can show up in many forms. They’re not your loudest cheerleaders, but they’re still paying attention. They might be:
Introverted or shy. They prefer to stay out of the spotlight and keep their interactions private.
Extremely busy professionals. They don’t have time to craft witty responses but still value what you’re sharing.
Professionals in highly regulated industries. People in these industries often avoid public engagement to steer clear of potential scrutiny.
Overwhelmed by online spaces. Silent Obsessors gravitate toward content that feels personal and intimate, like a handwritten letter meant just for them.
Social media dropouts. They consume your work through newsletters, websites, or other platforms but aren’t active on social media.
Deep thinkers. These are the people who prefer to sit with your ideas, reflect, and process before engaging—if they engage at all.
People who value privacy around sensitive topics. Some topics feel too vulnerable to engage with publicly.
The bottom line?
There are countless reasons why someone in your audience might be a Silent Obsessor, and none of them have anything to do with the value of your content.
The Silent Obsessors: Why They Matter
Likes and comments don’t always equal sales, deals, or opportunities. But let’s not kid ourselves—we still crave them. Seeing engagement roll in feels like applause after a great performance. And yes, it also boosts the algorithm. The more engagement you get, the more your content gets served to others. It’s the machine we’re all feeding.
But that kind of engagement isn’t the only way to be successful. Your real job as a creator/author/business owner isn’t just to chase likes and comments. It’s to connect with your audience—especially the ones who aren’t raising their hands in public but are absolutely there, watching, and maybe even humming along like Taylor Swift fans who know every lyric but refuse to sing out loud at the concert.
These are your Silent Obsessors. And your job is to make them feel seen, even if they never comment, “OMG, this is amazing!”
But before we get to the “how,” let’s get clear on the “why.”
Getting Bankable Attention
Why are you creating content? What’s the purpose? Are you trying to attract more clients, build buzz for your latest offer, land a book deal, or motivate people to make a change?
Defining the goal of your content is everything. Without it, you’re just shouting into the void, hoping something sticks. And when you don’t have a goal, all those likes and comments? They’re just empty calories. A sugar rush with no substance.
You don’t need that sticky-sweet empty attention. What you want is bankable attention. The kind of attention that leads to real opportunities—like clients, opportunities, or invitations to the table where big decisions happen.
Bankable attention isn’t always loud. It’s often happening behind the scenes. It’s the kind of attention that keeps your name in rooms you don’t even know exist.
I’ve seen this play out countless times. My highest-paying speaking engagement? It came from a newsletter reader who never once liked, commented, or replied to me (other than to say, we’d like to hire you). A surprising number of people who book VIP days with me to create their publicity plans rarely comment on anything I share. Silence doesn’t mean they’re not paying attention.
And that’s the kind of attention worth building. Because whether your audience is Swiftie-big or charmingly small, the goal isn’t just engagement—it’s meaningful connection and action.
How to Reach Silent Obsessors
Connecting with Silent Obsessors is all about making engagement feel effortless and inviting. Here’s how you can create spaces where they feel comfortable stepping forward:
Keep it low-stakes. Ask easy, no-pressure questions like, “Drop a green heart in the comments if you’re looking to make new connections in 2025.” It’s a simple way to invite interaction without overwhelming them.
Offer private ways to connect. Add a quick “p.s.” to your posts encouraging readers to email you directly. It’s a subtle nudge that allows them to reach out one-on-one, away from the spotlight.
Ask for their thoughts. Use tools like Substack surveys, Google Forms, or Typeform to ask questions like, “What’s keeping you up at night?” or “What would feel like a miracle for you right now?” Not only will this give you insights into their needs, but it might even inspire them to engage more often.
Create cozy spaces. Build smaller, more intimate communities on platforms like Substack’s paid subscription feature, Patreon, or Discord to cultivate a close-knit, engaged audience.
Remember, Silent Obsessors are out there, quietly nodding along to your content, bookmarking it for later, and cheering you on from the shadows.
Give them the right space to engage—on their terms—and you’ll uncover a world of meaningful connections that go far beyond the “like” button.
xo,
Melissa
p.s. If you want help connecting with both Silent Obsessors and your most vocal fans, I’d love to put together a publicity plan for you that sparks Bestseller Energy for your product, service, or project. Interested? Check out all the details here.
Love this. I also have the same experience with my clients--never heard from them and then BAM. So interesting. But also the comment asking "what's the point" on your personal story?!??! 😭😭 That would rip me apart.